April 21, 2007
"Sweeping the dirt under the rug will bite you in the behind” is just one of many such sayings that I hear on a daily basis.
Most of the time I understand them, but occasionally they baffle me.
You see I have this family member who has an endless supply of these colorful, quaint expressions. Full name and relationship will not be disclosed but you will probably figure it out anyway.
My friend Larry tells me I should follow said relative around with a notepad and record the sayings for posterity or at least for the grandkids.
Not an easy task, following him around with a notebook that is. Perhaps you Baby Boomers will be able to decode the terminology. To the rest, let us just call it “Haroldspeak”, and I can only wish you the best of luck.
To someone who is tight-fisted with money he will say, “You know those coffins don’t come with side pockets.” In other words, you can’t take it with you.
Advice to offspring, “Never put yourself in a position to get yourself in trouble.” I guarantee that always makes the youngsters stop for a moment, scratch their heads, and at least wonder. Gets them using their noggin’, according to Haroldspeak.
When under attack or when you need to just step back from a situation, it is time to “hunker down”.
Instead of saying, “are you hunting for something”, he will say, “are you plowing with your nose”.
Persuasion and finesse do not always work. That is when he will remind you of this, “True, you can catch more flies with honey than with vinegar but who wants to catch a bunch of flies.”
Describing a “babe”: she is highly detailed (as in detailing a car).
Describing a very tall, big man: he hunts bears with a switch.
On observing a stuck up, snooty lady: she walks like she’s got a corncob up her rear.
Fashion expertise: that dress fits her about like a sidesaddle on a sow.
On attempting silly, impossible, or foolish tasks: you can’t nail jelly to the wall.
During deer mating season, he will say that the “does are ruttin’” when they are trying to find each other and do whatever they do in mating season.
Deciphering his language requires a bit of mental gymnastics to keep up. Many people enjoy crossword puzzles to stay mentally sharp and to improve memory. I just translate Haroldspeak.
Do not get me wrong here because I promise I am not being judgmental. Besides I have absolutely no room to talk. My problem, rather than using colorful phraseology, is that I speak in “spoonerisms.”
As I age, I find that I unintentionally transpose the initial sounds in a pair of words.
Spoonerisms.
It is a term coined to describe how the Rev. William Archibald Spooner (1844-1930) used language. According to dictionary.com, the good reverend was a very nervous Anglican clergyman and educationalist who got his “tang tonguled ” when he spoke. He just got ahead of himself, and here is the result. These examples were committed by him or attributed to him, according to the lore of the day.
“We all know what it is to have a half-warmed fish (half-formed wish).”
“The Lord is a shoving leopard (loving shepherd).”
“It is kisstomary to cuss (customary to kiss).”
“Is the bean dizzy (dean busy)?”
“Let me sew you to your sheet (show you to your seat).”
When you come to our house, you will hear both “spoonerisms” and “Haroldspeak.”
I do not believe they make a pocket translator for people like us.
